Many, many years ago, when humans first discovered how to make paper, they must have thought, “What a wonder! We are halfway to a Cardboard Cutout.” Probably. The problem they had was not being able to make the Cardboard itself. Left with no other choice and held back by the technology of their time, they pressed on and made civilisation instead, that was the real fork in the road.

In the ancient times of Greece and Rome, they yearned for Cutouts but, again… were unable. Stopped by their inability to create the great wonder of Corrugated Cardboard. The greatest minds came together. Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle spent their lifetimes trying to figure it out.

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” — Socrates
“Ignorance is the root and stem of all evil.” — Plato
“There is nothing impossible to him who will try.” — Alexander the Great

Now, I’m no philosopher, but I’m at least 90% sure that they were all talking about Cardboard Cutouts. In the end, they chose to sculpt people instead, engraving their details in stone but with no colour. Technically, they created the first Celebrity Cutouts ever, as only well-known celebrities of the time could afford them.

The yearning didn’t stop there. Fast forward. Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Picasso. They needed to express people and immortalise them onto paper and canvas, still unable to create Cardboard and immortalise people further. After this crushing realisation, they went on to make some great works, but think about how much they could have elevated them if they had done them on a Cardboard Cutout.

In 1817, they had done it. They had created the first wonder of humanity since the dawn of evolution. Cardboard was invented. Humanity didn’t know what it was sitting on. For its first few years after its inception, the idea sat dormant until 1856, when the first iteration of corrugated cardboard was patented and, unfortunately, used for… hat liners?! 😨

Evolution had led us to our peak. The dawn of humanity, ancient philosophers, great artists, and great people had all been building towards this moment, yet somehow we had forgotten why we had even bothered to come so far. The genius who remembered was lost to time. However, the first documented use of a Cardboard Cutout was in 1906, and it was recorded in the Boston trade publication Spatula.

The source for all of this irreputable proof is trust me. Would I ever lie to you? This is all 1000% true hard facts and not opinion. The moral of the story is buy our Cutouts. Peace out gang 😎

Spencer, The Marketing Apprentice 🐐